Saints and Sinners
by MadWorld Alice
Summary: Two serial killers, who kill serial killers. Sonia and Selene, twin sisters with a vengeance in their heart are about to meet the ultimate challenge in their teenage lives-Evading being caught by Brigadier General Roy Mustang. Read this story with more drama than the secret life of the American teenager, more comedy than comedy central and more rants than the show. Post-brotherhood
1. Chapter 1

**Epic Disclaimer!**

**Let me start by saying that I own nothing but the shirt on my back, the sarcasm in my heart, and the child locked in my basement. This story will be post-brotherhood with a few changes I thought would add some pizzaz to the story. It will have themes from the boondock saints but it is not a cross-over fic. **

**Enjoy**

Prologue

Two girls stood on the top of a building in the poorer part of Central city. They stood side by side, the blonde one seemed fixated on the newspaper article in front of her while her black haired sister watched the streets below.

"It would seem that we have made quite the headline, sis." The blonde haired girl said addressing the newspaper. The headline read, _Are They our Saints or Sinners_.

The one watching the street looked to her sister and smiled as she spoke "Yeah we made the front page and everything, that is a horrible picture of us though." She grimaced at the sketch in the newspaper of the two standing in long flowing white robes with crucifixes in their hands. The other one smirked and replied to her sister matter-of-factly.

"Well, it just goes to show the holy image we carry to those we save. It makes me wonder if we just decide to take out the bad guys in front of victims just for the publicity."

"Sonia, you're just now figuring that out." The other girl stated in a serious tone.

Sonia smirked and shrugged "What can I say Selene, I'm a little dense." she turned her head to the street and saw a woman carrying her baby, with a man dressed in black following the two with a sick look in his eye. "It would seem it's time to get to work."

Selene turned to look down at the street "It would seem so." They both dropped into the night below, each with vengeful hellfire's in their eyes.

The newspaper that Sonia had been reading dropped open to an article telling of a new serial killer. He is known as the nightcrawler, and his victims are always young mothers and their children.

What this _Nightcrawler_ doesn't understand is that worms are always put on hooks.

**What did you think? Please read and review, but no flames unless you are Roy Mustang. And I know for a fact none of you are so, MEH!**


	2. Chance Encounter

**I may not own Fullmetal Alchemist but I have recently got ownership of my best friend's triple D boobs. Shazam! **

Saints and Sinners Chapter 1: Chance Encounter

The office of Brigadier General Mustang was usually composed of three things: slacking, smoking, and sarcastic remarks from a certain short-tempered alchemist. But today the inhabitants of Office Mustang now sat in a confused, pissed off, tired, pissed off, irritated, and pissed off silence. The General's floor was decorated in various reports, empty coffee cups occupied every officer's desk, and many things lay strewn all over the floor as a result of Edward Elric's temper fit.

"I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing." Havoc sighed and lit up another cigarette.

Edward glared at him, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about these serial killers who are doing our job for us."

"Oh those two. They don't care who they kill. So, as far as I'm concerned they can rot in jail with the rest of the criminals." Edward went back to looking over some of the case files, his frustration was clear.

"One month, we've been looking for these two for one whole month and the only thing we have to show for it are thirteen bodies in the morgue." Roy crossed his legs and rest his chin in his palm.

"Careful there General, the damage to your ego is showing." Hawkeye said while she reloaded her gun.

"Serial killers are dropping dead as soon as they spring up. The military isn't even able to make a case until they wind up in the morgue. It makes me wonder how they are able to catch them so quickly." The General was looking at the report for the most recent victim, the Nightcrawler.

"What does the report say, General?" Breda asked.

"It says that the Nightcrawler, or Liam Jenkins, was about to take his third victim when the Saints intercepted him. Just as Liam was about to attack Lillian Sade and her newborn son the saints shot him in the arm, told Lillian to run, and after she had gotten to the police they found Liam's body."

"Rooooooy! Do you want to see picture's of my darling little Elysia?!" Maes Hughes danced his way into the office and up to Mustang's desk.

"Hughes, can't you see we are in the middle of working on a case right now?" Roy ground out in irritation, although not as much irritation as he used to. Then again, Hughes was presumed dead for the longest time. It came as a surprise to everyone when the eccentric man showed up at the hospital after the promised day. Apparently he barely survived and, having a friend who worked in autopsy, was able to fake his own death and escape to Xing.

"Well then take a break and look at these pictures of the most adorable little girl in the entire world!" Hughes shoved the pictures in Roy's face.

Out of severe irritation the Flame Alchemist snapped his fingers and burned the pictures.

"You know Roy, I'd be upset but," Hughes reached into his pocket and pulled out more pictures, "I always keep dozens of spare's on me. Ha."

"Dammit Hughes why are you even in here, you showed me these very pictures this morning."

Hughes looked over at his friend and remembered the file under his arm, "Oh yeah, I got the Background file on the Nightcrawler, otherwise known as Liam Jenkins."

Roy snatched the folder right of his friend's hand, "Then why the hell didn't you say so?"

"When you have kids Roy, you'll understand." Hughes bounced his way back out of the door, leaving Roy with an uneasy feeling.

"Damn that loud mouthed..." Edward grumbled from his seat before he got up to go read over his superior officer's shoulder.

"THAT'S IT!" Edward yelled a bit too closely to the General.

"OW. God Dammit Fullmetal, what the hell was that?!"

Edward ignored the tone in his voice, "Look here, it says that Liam frequented a bar called the Bloody Rose. The same bar that every other one of the victims had gone to at least two times a month. "

"Alright men," The General started as he stood up, all of his men following suit "We're going to the Bloody Rose. Let's see what we can find out."

"I wonder if the killers will be there." Furey pondered aloud.

"Pft. Yeah right." Falman replied, "The chances of them being there are a million to one."

Meanwhile at the Bloody Rose

Sonia POV

"Excuse the fuck out of my pussy, what did you just say?!" Ah hell to the naw, aien't no punk gonna come up and try to put the moves on _my_ sister.

"What the hell is yo deal gir. I'm jus tryin to show this Fine fox here a real man."

"Well, fuckface, I don't know if you know this but you're no real man." This guy was absolutely disgusting. He was big, bald, and had a beard on his face that looked like some herpe infected whore's pubic hair. Le gross.

. "You be'er watch it gir, befo some one puts yo in yo place." He grabbed me with one of his dry, cracked hands.

"Oh really," I grabbed his wrist and twisted it out-of-place, making him scream in agony, "And who the fuck would be stupid enough to try something like that."

He stumbled back into his group of wanna-be gangsters that he stumbled in with. Every single one of them were white trash buffoons with stupid hair cuts and home-made tattoos. One of them had nearly no teeth, and they all needed to shower.

"Your gonna pay for that, Bitch!" One of them yelled.

I popped my knuckles, "Oh really."

"Sonia, I would really appreciate my bar being left in one piece this time."

"Don't worry about it Beth, I'm just taking out the trash."

"Sis, you really need to learn to stop getting into these fights. The last thing we need is encountering the police." Selene yelled at me as she lit up a cigarette.

"Don't worry sis. I'll beat the shit out of these thugs, quietly."

"You won't be doing shit Bitch, but lying there-" I kicked him hard in the jaw, shutting him up. One of his friends tried to land a punch after I knocked out his buddy but I easily dealt with him. These guys weren't tough at all but they were annoyingly persistent. As I was dealing with a few of the assholes I looked over to Selene who was just smoking a cigarette watching, and I get the feeling that's all she would've stayed doing, but one of the guys tried to grab her so she burnt him with a cigarette and started fighting too.

"Dirty Cunt." The bastard who's wrist I snapped pulled out a gun.

"watch your fucking language, there is no fucking reason to talk like a god damned sailor you pathetic bitch." Selene yelled while easily knocking the gun out of his hand.

"Bitch," he stepped back. "James, get these brats."

"You're the only one left standing dipshit." I laughed.

Selene jumped up on the bar and grabbed the back of his neck, "Oh we're gonna have some fun now." She smirked evilly.

"Oh yeah." I mimicked the evil smirk.

He was scared shitless as we laughed manically. We tied him to the bar lying on his back. I poured alcohol on his crotch and Selene took out a matchbook.

"No please, no." he screamed.

"You don't want me to light your junk on fire?" Selene asked.

"No!" he yelled.

"Too fucking bad." She lit a match and dropped it.

He screamed like a little bitch as we laughed and lit our cigs on the fire.

"Ha. Fire crotch." I laughed.

"I never pegged him as a ginger." Selene giggled.

The doors burst open as three military officers and a blonde dude marched in. "We're here for the surprise health inspecti-" he cut off when he saw the guy with nuts aflame.

"What the hell is going on here?" The black-haired officer yelled.

I took a drag of my cigarette and turned around, "Oh that," I gestured to the screaming cuntsack behind me, "Well you see, he spontaneously bursts into the flame all the time."

"Lying Cunts!"

Selene knocked him out with an alcohol bottle, "You shut the fuck up."

Mr. Military snapped his fingers and Dickweed stopped flaming. "The fuck." I looked at Selene and she just shrugged.

"Now would you care to tell us what the hell is going on in here?" The blonde military lady asked.

"Nope." I replied throwing my cigarette across the room.

"That's a nice vocabulary you got there." Selene put her cigarette out on the guys leg.

"You just assaulted a civilian, in front of the military. Do you have an operating brain?" the only one of them not in a military uniform asked.

"I just don't give a fuck who you are."

"Who are you two kids anyway? You don't look old enough to be in a bar, or even smoking for that matter." Another officer asked, this one had blonde hair and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

"Who am I? Who am I?" I started asking and the four of them nodded. "Imma be the opposite of right, cuz I done be left." My sister and I took off out the back.

"Hey, you two stop!" The dark-haired man yelled.

As we flew out of the back door we nearly hit a wall. No, it wasn't a wall. It was a man. A man-wall.

"Haho!" The man wall yelled as he took off his shirt. "Where do two young ladies think you're going alone in the middle of the night?"

"There's a man, who is a wall, that called me a ho, and then took his shirt off. I do not know how to react." I stood there, stunned.

It didn't take too long for the military officers to burst out of the bar. "Very good Armstrong. Thank you for catching the criminals."

"Criminals? We are not criminals." Selene yelled at the dark-haired military man.

"You two just assaulted nine men."

"Hey, we didn't assault anyone. It was a bar fight that they started. The fact that we whipped their bitch asses doesn't mean we assaulted them." I retorted.

"You dropped these in the bar," The guy with the long blonde hair pulled something out of his coat pocket. "Sonia and Selene Dupree, born October 11," he paused and something flashed in his eyes, "1902. You two are only sixteen, and it's painfully obvious the two of you were drinking. Now you also have an underage drinking charge."

"Not to mention you ran out of the bar, making you drunk in public." The blonde lady said.

"And you can try to say whatever you want, but we have permission to bring you in for questioning." The dark-haired guy smirked. Shit face.

"Fuck. You." we started flipping them all off.

"Now you two can either come down with us back to HQ, or we can formally arrest you and the likelihood of you two getting out anytime soon is slim to none."

"How long do you want us at HQ?" I asked.

"We will keep you there and let you out sometime tomorrow."

"Will there be complimentary snacks and beverages?"

"We might give you something to eat, _if_ you answer all of our questions."

"Alright." My sister and I shared a look. "But we better be getting the food, or we will eat your souls."

**End Chapter.**

**So what did you think? How were the saints? I just couldn't bear not having Hughes alive so I decided to add him in here just because he will be very useful in the story later. That and Alphonse is in Xing with Mei, and the only reason Edward is here is because after the events of the promised we had Hoenheim give Edward his gate so Ed can do alchemy. Say what you want but the power of fanfiction is Awesome and it can do anything.**

**Read and Review. No Flames. Or the saints will end you. **


	3. Interrogation Room woes

**At this point all I got are the tits. Still no Fullmetal Alchemist. :"**

Chapter 2 Interrogation Room Woes

Selene POV

Is he ever gonna give us some food?! Jebus Christler! I am hungry and a bit hung-over. Now he won't shut the fuck up.

"Hey, flabbermouth, what's your name?" The dark haired military officer raised a brow and my obnoxious sister smirked.

"Child, I would advise you to use manners while you are in here otherwise it won't be a pleasant experience."

"Yeah, because sitting in an interrogation room with no food and a massive headache does have a possibility of being pleasant." Sonia snarked.

He ignored her and sighed while pinching the bridge of his nose. "My name is Brigadier General Roy Mustang. Now can we start the interview?"

Neither my sister nor I replied. We just stayed silent.

"I'll take that as a yes." he began, "Now we'll start simple. Where do you live?"

"With my sister." I replied.

"Where does your sister live?"

"With me." I was trying so hard not to laugh but it wasn't working.

"Where do you _both_ live?"

"Together." Sonia joined in.

"Where do you both live together?" Hehe, he's starting to get annoyed.

"At our house." It was getting even harder trying not to laugh.

"Where is your house?" This guy is good at keeping patient. Wait, what was that noise? Was it coming from outside? Meh, oh well.

"Next to our neighbor's house." Sonia had mirth in her voice.

"Where is your neighbor's house?" This General guy was getting pissed off. There's that noise again, what the hell is it?

Sonia leaned forward and whispered, "If I tell you, you won't believe me."

His eyes softened a bit, "Where is it?"

Sonia looked to her left side, and then her right then leaned across the table and put a hand to the side of her mouth and whispered, "It's next to my house."

The General slammed his hands on the table and yelled, "Do you think this is some kind of joke?!"

"Yes." we replied in perfect unison.

His face got menacing and I finally figured out what the noise was, "Well I'm not laughing." he ground out.

"Yeah, but your officers are."

"What." His face looked like it was concentrating and then he got really mad. He stormed over to the door and pulled it open; needless to say he was not pleased with what he saw. The three officers he had standing outside of the door were all laughing and trying not to fall over themselves.

"What do you three think you're doing?" I could not see his face but judging by the looks of the other three it must have been terrifying. "Now just sit and watch." He slammed the door in their faces. He sat down and glared at us. "I'm going to ask you some questions and you are going to give me true answers. Got it?"

Sonia took out a cigarette and lit it up, "Oh are we now? And why would we do that?"

In a second Roy snapped his fingers which somehow caused flames to shoot out and burn Sonia's cigarette down to the bud. "Little girl don't question me." Sonia stayed strangely quiet.

"Ha, you just got burned." I snickered.

Sonia looked all pissy and then she hit me in the face and said. "And you just got hit. Bitch." And then it was on!

I hit her back and she lunged at me and we fell to floor trying to strangle each other.

"Dirty bitch can't take a joke." I snapped.

"Raging cunt can't take a hit." She remarked.

"Oh Fuck You! I don't know why I even bother with you you're the worst twin sister in the entire universe!" I screamed in her face.

"Oh really, because that's what I think about you, you dirty drunk whore! Every time we start drinking you become a total tease and I get left dealing with the shit so you don't get raped while you are so drunk you can't walk. And now we're in a military building shitface! Fuck You!"

"Oh really, I'm a drunk whore? You're the one who sucked some guys dick for 5,ooo cens.1."

Sonia scoffed. "We needed money to get home."

"What about the time you tried to proposition a cop?"

"How was I supposed to know he was a cop?"

"We spent a week in jail because of that."

"Yeah but we made a shit tone of fuckn-a friends."

"Oh yeah and we all sang that song about tacos.2"

Sonia giggled and started singing. "I've got a taco in my pocket." I joined in. "It's so spicy like a rocket. When I sing this song you'll know I just want to sing it with my taco. It aien't no burrito it's not even an enchilada. But it's a very important part of me, for it's my taco." We were laughing so hard by the end of the song.

The guy with the long blonde hair was standing over us with a strange look on his face. "That was not a very appropriate, uh, song."

"Bitch please. Look here, Goldilocks, when we wrote that song we had no idea that it was perverted. Hell the other prisoners didn't know it was perverted. We realized how wrong it sounded when some big-fat-angry-lesbian-prison-guard wanted to strip search me. Then she was saying things like, 'You got a taco in your pocket? I've got one in mine. Yeah baby.' Then I was like wait a minute I think there's something wrong here. And she said 'You wanna see my taco?' and she took her pants off. I have never laid a bitch out so fast in my entire life. It took me four seconds, it would've only been one but the bitch was so fat she hit everything on the way down." Sonia basically sang that story.

The door opened and the three officers from earlier walked in with the scary blonde lady from the alley way. The officer with blonde hair and smoked cigarettes walked over and helped us up. I took his cigarette from him and started smoking it. Strangely he didn't get mad, he just smiled at me and put his arms around me and Sonia. "Aww, Sir they are so cute can we keep them?"

"Who the hell are you calling cute?" Sonia said like a sassy black woman.

"Lieutenant Colonel Havoc, they aren't stray animals." The blonde woman said.

"Most people would beg to differ. Don't you know we are bitches?" I took a long drag of his cigarette then Sonia reached over and took it from me and she started smoking it.

"The hell Bitch?" I put a hand on my hip and glared at her.

"What haven't you ever heard of puff puff pass?" She snickered.

"Bitch that's when we smoke weed." I snapped.

"Wait a minute, you two smoke weed." Roy Mustang got pissed off again.

"No mother licker we just know street terms because we basically grew up on the streets." Sonia snapped.

"Well actually she grew up on the street corner." I pointed at Sonia. She took a hit of the cigarette and flipped me off.

"Well this interrogation is going so well isn't it Roy?" Blondie snapped.

"Cool yo tits bitch." Sonia ordered.

"Do you call anyone something other than bitch?"

"When I know their names I do. Bitch."

All of the officers looked at each other and then it dawned on them. The only person in there we knew by name was Roy Mustang.

The blonde officer was the first to speak up. "I'm Lieutenant Colonel Jean Havoc, Nice to meet you."

"First Lieutenant Heimans Breda." The chunkier guy with orange hair said.

"First Lieutenant Cain Fury. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Edward Elric." Blondie said with little care.

"Colonel Riza Hawkeye."

"My name is Sonia Dupree and this is my sister Selene Dupree. It's a pleasure for you to meet me." Sonia said with her nose in the air.

"We need to get back to the task at hand here. I have to question these two on if they know anything about the Saints."

My sister and I froze. "Uh. Why are you asking us about the Saints?"

The General turned to me. "We are unit assigned to working the case. We can't inform you of anything but that."

Sonia and I looked at each other and it we both knew we were in the belly of the beast. "Sorry we don't know anything. Can we please leave?"

"If you want to but there are a few police officers and a social services worker waiting for you outside."

"Shit." Sonia hissed.

"However, if you two are interested in helping us then we would instate you as military officers and you would be given a room in the military dorms. You would be wards of the Military and you wouldn't have to deal with social services anymore."

Before I could say anything Sonia decided to make the call. "Deal."

**Well I have said it before and I will say it again, please R&R in a flame free manner, or the saints will end you. **

**I am sorry I haven't updated in a while, it took us a while to get our internet fixed. O.0**

**1 I don't know about cens I just went with yen so basically it was $50 **

**2 yeah a friend and I actually wrote that but we were in a church lock in and we didn't realize how perverted it was when we wrote it. **

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED! **


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